Slowly realizing....

I’m stubborn

My body tells me so

I hit the ground running

But my body screams ‘no’

My mind says go

I push just a little more

My body speaks back

“boy she’ll be sore”

The tickle in my throat

cannot be washed away

I’m sure I’ll be fine

go on just one more day

By then it’s too late

I cannot undo the past

I should have listened closer

been less concerned with going fast

My mind says ‘yes’

my body says ‘no’

this time I heard it

STOP JEN! and go slow

I'm very sick. My body is telling me to slow down. I'm finally listening now. A lesson too late, I know. But this one got to my very core. It left me vulnerable, crying at work. I don't want to be sick but I didn't listen after the first time or the second. So it's back to smack me across the face. It said "sick 3 times in 2 months, you idiot, haven't you learned anything yet?" I spent 2 hours in the doctors office Wednesday evening. On Thursday afternoon curled up on my living room floor in so much pain that I really thought I might die. That night I slept for 17 hours straight.

It's Sunday night and I'm not well enough to go to work. I've used 6 sick days in the past 2 months. I just started this new job 2 months ago. I feel terrible for letting my boss down. But I'm sick. And I've learned my lesson.

The hard way.

I don't want to be stubborn anymore.

I surrender.....